All We Would Ever Need
by styna3323
Summary: About a girl whose life comes crashing down. Kinda like ONE TREE HILL
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I look at him as if nothing ever happened but we both know it did. How could anyone do that to someone, let alone someone you've known two years of your life? The guilt and the regret inside me just doesn't go away. Most nights I cry myself to sleep knowing that if I tell her our friendship would be over and I don't want that. But how can you be someone's best friend when the truth is hidden under something you never want to dig up? It's there everyday wanting to come out and I know someday it will. We've always been there for each other, through the good and bad, the thick and the thin, the sadness and jealousy, but somehow we pulled through it all or for right now we have. How could I have let this happen? I'm usually the responsible one, the one who thinks before doing something. I look at the pictures of me with friends, smiling and having fun and wonder what happened? How did I become something I told my self I would never be?

Along this long road through life I guess you have to learn. Learn from the mistakes you made along the way and make sure it doesn't happen again. But what would happen if the truth made you lose everything you had? Would that be a so called life lesson, because if it does I don't know if I could live with what I'm holding back? People say to tell the truth and when the truth speaks it will all be better in the end. I don't believe that, because people also say that the truth hurts. So why do we tell the truth when we know it hurts someone? It just doesn't make sense. The world is full of questions that make no sense and we just have to deal with it. I tell myself that it will be okay but deep down I know it won't because I need someone else to tell me that it will, and the one person that can is the one person that truly can't.

I think to myself and wonder if this could have been prevented. If I would have said no, would have just left, or for once got home on time for curfew. Instead I stayed and partied with my best friend's boyfriend while she was on vacation with her family. It didn't go as far as you're thinking but it could have if Mason's friend Cooper didn't knock and come in. Mason and I go all the way back to junior year when we were dating. It was more like friends with benefits if you ask me. We were never meant for each other, we fought all the time and never did anything couples ever did. We stopped seeing each other when Sophie transferred to our school and Mason started seeing her. I hated her at first because she took him away from me. When we got put on the same volleyball team that year we became inseparable. Mason and I agreed not to tell Sophie about our past because she really didn't need to know, besides it made me believe that Mason and I were still linked by something and it gave me hope that one day he would realize that what we had was all we'd ever need.

I didn't know if both of us were too drunk to realize what we were doing but I remember all of it. Him pulling me away from my friends, bringing me to the bedroom, laying me down, linking his fingers with mine, looking me straight in the eye and kissing me. The hardest part of all of this is that I didn't stop him at all but linked my fingers with his, looked back at him, and me kissing him back.

I look out the window as both of us drive to the airport to pick up Sophie. We haven't spoken a word since he picked me up. What do you say to someone you know you did something terrible with? The only problem with this is that I miss him so much and I miss what we used to be and nobody knows it but me.

The car slows down as we approach a red light and he changes the volume to mute. I look down at my silver chain bracelet that is filled with charms, most of them from Sophie. I twirl it around my wrist and hold back the tears welling up in my eyes. I don't know if I have the emotion strength to get through this.

"Rachel," he chokes out. I turn my head to look at him and wonder what he has to say. I mean what is there to say?

"I'm sorry, I," he tries to get out before I cut him off.

"Mason, don't. We were drunk and we weren't thinking and it was a mistake. If you're worried about Sophie I won't tell her."

"I'm not worried about Sophie. I'm worried about you."

"Don't start worrying about me now Mason, when you never have before," I said and put on my sunglasses as the light changes from red to green.

"Don't you dare say that," he said as the car started moving forward towards the airport.

"What, the truth?" I replied coldly.

"You know I cared about you Rae."

"Really, because the last time I checked you walked out on us."

"We didn't have anything going on." He said annoyed.

"And that's exactly why you didn't care," I told him as I blasted the radio back up. Like I told you before the truth hurts, I realized it the hard way. It hurts when the one person you want doesn't want you back.

"There was never an us Rachel," he said calmly when he turned down the radio and pulled up to where Sophie was waiting.

"And that's my fault, how?" I said to him before I hopped out of the car to give Sophie a hug. We got her bags and we're driving in the car on our way home. I was sitting in the back seat and was watching the white stripes on the road pass by. I closed my eyes and remembered something that always stayed with me.

"We can't do this anymore," he told me as he grabbed his sweatshirt off my bed.

"Mason," I said and grabbed his arm, pleading for him not to go.

"You have to remember the rules Rachel." I remembered the rules we made clearly. When we got ourselves into this we promised we wouldn't fall in love with each other, but that was before I knew I wasn't going too.

"Forget the rules Mason," I asked him.

"We made a deal Rachel." He said. That's when he walked out on me and never looked back.

"Rachel?"

"RACHEL," I heard Sophie say and snapped out of the trance I was in. I looked at her and she gave me a box. I smiled and opened it. It was a necklace with a picture of us on the front and our names on the back.

"Thank you," I said.

"You're welcome," she smiled and I put the necklace on. Mason dropped off Sophie first and we were back at my house. I was sitting in the front when I took off one of the charms he gave me a year ago.

"Here," I said handing it to him.

"I gave that to you," he said and pushed my hand back.

"I don't want it. Mason you know that I can't live this world without you, but I cant live in this

world where you don't love me. This charm is supposed to represent that and it doesn't. It never represented us." I said and put it in the ash tray in the middle of his car.

Once I shut the door I walked to the front of my house and he drove off. I didn't feel like going to school the next three days because I didn't want to face Sophie. At the party who knows if anyone saw us and I'm scared that someone did and told Sophie. I was sitting by the window in my room looking down at the swings tied to the tree.

"Are you sure?" he asked scared.

"No. I mean I've been late before but not this late." I said holding my hands.

"Have you taken a test," he asked. I shook my head no and he got up and grabbed my hands. "Come on, we'll go get one."

My eyes faded from the swings to Mason's car in my driveway. He stepped out and I went down the stairs to open the door when he knocked.

"Hi," I said.

"I just came by to give you you're homework," he said handing my books to me. I grabbed them and set them on the table by the door.

"Thanks," I said. He started walking away and I was shutting the door when he turned around and asked, "Are you okay?"

I followed him out to where he was sitting on the swings and said, "I'm scared that Sophie is going to find out. I'm scared to face her."

"Rachel, it was just a kiss."

"But it meant everything me," I told him.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Mason I," I said looking at him but the words couldn't come out. They were at the tip of my tongue yet somehow they were stuck there. "Never mind." I got up and walked away after I said that.

"Rachel, what were you going to say." He asked.

"Nothing," I said and kept walking towards the house.

"Rachel, will you stop and look at me please," he yelled.

"What do you want Mason? Why are you here?" I yelled back.

"I wanted to see if you're okay," he sincerely said.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"I don't believe you," he said coming closer. "You want to know why, because ever since we no longer are together you're different. You put on a great act but I can see right through it." I stared at him because he was right but what did it matter.

"I've changed Mason; you need to learn to accept that."

"But you changed for the worse. You're not outgoing anymore, you hide behind volleyball and don't show how you really feel. I mean what happened to Megan and Becca and the life you used to live?"

"You don't see it do you," I asked him holding back the tears.

"See what? Rachel I'm trying here, but you've got to give me something to work with," he said holding my shoulders. I looked at his eyes and tears fell down mine.

"Everything I had before was because we shared it together, but when you left those things always reminded me of you and I had to get rid of them somehow and the easiest way to do that was to forget them like the way you forgot me. I've changed Mason, because you changed me."

"Rachel," he exhaled.

"No Mason, I miss you so much. I never wanted you to leave. It hurt, it did when you walked out

that door that last time. You've changed me so much because now I hold a wall up against my heart because I don't ever want to get hurt the way you hurt me." I cried.

"What about the rules we had, that we promised each other?" He tried to say.

"It was never about the rules for me Mason," I told him.

"It was for me," he said back.

"And I understand that, but was there ever a time that it wasn't?" I asked him. I could feel the wind against my skin and it gave me goose bumps waiting for his answer.

"No," he replied looking at the ground. I turned back towards the house and went in. He stood there while I watched from the window. "No" a simple word, two letters, then why was it a word that hurt so much? After all that we've been through, when I asked him if he ever loved me he said no. I leaned against the door and cried harder than I have ever cried before.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I went up to my room when he drove away and finished my homework that I had to make up and went down for dinner. I was sitting at the table, playing with my food when my mother asked, "Are you not hungry again?"

"No, Mason stopped by to drop off homework and he brought me lunch," I lied

"Oh, well that was nice," she said. I nodded my head and said, "I'm going to go to see dad." I grabbed my plate and brought it over to the sink and headed out the door. I drove to the cemetery and sat down in front of my fathers' grave. I sat and stared at the words, "Loving Husband, Brother and Father," for about 40 minutes before I decided to go. I was about to stand up when Mason's father sat down next to me. It wasn't a surprise since our families our so close.

"Hey, kiddo," he said.

"Hi," I told him.

"Late night visit?" he asked me.

"Yeah," I chuckled.

"You know if you ever want to talk, I'm here. I promised your father I would be," he told me.

"I know Mr. McCalaster," I choked out.

"Your father was a great man Rachel. He loved you and your mother so much and there was never a day he never brought you up."

"Why did he leave then?" I said mad at the fact that we were having this conversation again.

"God takes the people we love for a reason and it sucks because we'll never know why he was taken. But we have to believe that it was for the right reason. He went into that building to save a life and he died a hero. Never forget that." He said proudly. He kissed the top of my head and left. I sat there crying and wishing for that day back.

"You're coming right?" I asked him as I packed my bags for the recital.

"Have I ever missed one?"

"No," I smiled.

"I just have to stop by the fire department to pick up some paperwork and then I will be there?" he said outside my door.

"You promise?" I asked

"I promise," he said and kissed my forehead and left.

I've stopped dancing since. It's not the same without him sitting in the front row, so I took up volleyball instead for the past two years. Mr. McCalaster was in his squad the day he died. They've been partners since I can remember and that's how Mason and I became so close. All through grade school and junior high we were so close to our fathers. We wore their uniforms when we went to work with them, we would hold the hoses with them and our families had pictures to prove it. We were so proud to have firefighters as dads. He died two years ago and I stopped showing up at the station and being proud of what they do, because I stopped being proud of him, even if he died a hero. It was a hard first year without him but I got through it alone and with drugs, until my mom sent me away to a rehab facility for a month. I've turned my life around since and I look at the world differently now. I try to live my life to the fullest everyday but it's hard and I fail most of the time. My phone started ringing and it was Sophie.

"Hey," I say and get up and make my way towards my car.

"Hey! God I haven't talked to you in like forever. I miss you," she said.

"I miss you too," I said.

"So what are you doing tonight?" she asked excitedly.

"Nothing. Why?" I ask as I get in my car and drive home.

"Because I'm coming to pick you up for a party tonight. It's Friday and Alex is throwing a killer party and the party won't be any good if we're not there," she said.

"I don't know Sophie," I laughed.

"I'm not taking no for an answer so I will be at your house in an hour and you better be there," she threatened. She hung up the phone and I walked into my house. I went to my room, put on my jean skirt and tank tops and was putting my make-up on when Sophie came through the door.

"I told you I was going to be here in an hour," she joked.

"Yeah and unfortunately I'm still here," I joked back. I put my make up in the drawers and went into my closet to grab my flip flops.

"Are you and Mason in a fight?" She asked me. I stopped putting on my jewelry and said, "No, why?"

"I don't know he didn't want to come up so he's in the car," she said looking at new pictures I put up on the cork board.

"Wait he's here?" I asked trying not to sound suspicious.

"Yeah, he's driving us to the party, so come on," she said grabbing my arm. I reluctantly followed her and got in the back seat. The car ride to Alex's is quiet except for Sophie's talking which keeps the tension off of Mason and me. Once I get out of the car I head into the house with Sophie and Mason following. I reach the door when Mason grabs me elbow and says, "So we're not talking anymore?"

"I don't have anything to say to you," I told him and he lets go of my arm. I go into the house and go straight for the keg. I filled a glass full and drank it. Someone came behind me and wrapped their arms around me and buried their head in my neck.

"I didn't think you were coming," he said.

"You didn't know I was coming Nate," I told my old "boyfriend."

"Well, I'm glad you came," he said kissing my neck. I turned and faced him so my face was inches away from his.

"Nice try Nate, but you're not getting any," I said and walked away.

"Fine, but one dance," he said and pulled me to where everyone was dancing. Wall to Wall by Chris Brown came on and we danced. I was just inches from his face the whole time but like Mason, Nate was also friends with benefits, I just didn't care about him as much. I put my arms around his neck and he put his forehead against mine.

"I know about you and Mason?" I stopped dancing and looked at him.

"What?" I said trying to play it off.

"Don't play dumb Rachel, even though you're so good at it. I saw you two," he said.

"You saw wrong," I told him.

"Really? Should we see what Sophie would say?" he said and walked away. I grabbed his hand and said, "Wait, what do you want Nate?"

"One date and I promise I won't tell her." I exhaled and said, "Fine." I walked past him and went looking for Mason. I finally found him and pulled him away from his friends and brought him outside.

"What the hell Rachel?" he said.

"We have a serious problem," I said.

"What's new," he said sarcastically.

"Funny! Nate knows Mason about the party," I told him.

"What?" He asked almost choking on his beer.

"Yeah and to make him keep his mouth shut, I have a date with him."

"Well what's the big deal then?" He asked.

"Do you want to sleep with him then?"

"Rachel, it's not like you haven't slept with him."

"Thank you for reminding me Mason and don't forget I slept with you too."

"How could I forget, that's all we ever did." I looked at him as he chugged his beer and couldn't believe it.

"What is your problem?" I asked almost in tears. "I'm doing this for you. If you hate me so much just say it and get it over with," I said and opened the door to go inside and find Nate. Once I found him I asked him to give me a ride home which he said he would. When we pulled up to my house he shut the car off.

"Thanks," I said reaching for the handle.

"You know we can get this date over with now," he smiled coyly.

"Not in front of my house," I said grudgingly.

"How about the spot then?" He asked excitedly. I shook my head and he started the car on the way to the hill. Once we finished and drove back to my house I got out of the car and felt so disappointed in myself for doing that. When did I turn into this person I don't know anymore? How did I become of this? I am never good enough for anyone here. This place was making me lose my mind and I need to get out of here and I need to get out now. I headed for the front door but it was too dark and I couldn't find my keys.

"Having trouble?" I heard Mason say. I jumped when he came up to me.

"Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me," I said and put my head against the door thinking how could this day get any worse?

"I don't hate you Rachel." He said calmly and took my keys when I found them

"You show it real well. Will you give me my damn keys?" I asked him.

"Didn't you leave the party like two hours ago?"

"What are you keeping track of me now?" I said.

"No, I came to talk to you. If you don't want to go with Nate its ok," he said point blank.

"It's too late Mason, we just had our date," I said angrily.

"Rachel," he breathed and leaned against our house.

"You know what Mason, I want to tell Sophie but I did this for you because I want you to be happy and you don't even care. I had sex with Nate for you. How does that make me look, but don't worry your reputations safe," I said trying to grab the keys from him but he wouldn't give them to me. "Give me my keys," I said.

"See this is why we aren't meant to be together," he told me.

"Fine if you want to play that game," I said as I made my way to the flower pot where we hide another key.

"I have that one Rachel," he said modestly.

"What do you want from me Mason," I yelled crying.

"I want you to be yourself," he said honestly.

"I can't and you of all people should know that," I said through my teeth.

"No you can you just choose not too. I know losing your dad wasn't easy but you were an amazing dancer and you quit and you dumped your friends." I couldn't take this anymore and I yelled back, "You're right, you're always fucking right. When my dad died I counted on you to be there through everything, even if we weren't together I expected you to be there and you weren't. When I needed you the most you left Mason, and that's when everything fell apart." He came over to me and put his arms around me but I couldn't for him.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you," he said truthfully and a tear fell down my face.

"But you did. Please just give me my keys and leave," I begged him.

"Rachel, I'm here for you always. I shouldn't have to tell you that," he exclaimed.

"It's too late Mason," I said. He let go of me and asked, "What does that mean?"

"I'm leaving Mason and I'm not coming back," I said even though I knew I hadn't thought of anything other than to just get away.

"Rachel you cant it's the beginning of senior year."

"But I am. I guess this is goodbye." I told him.

"You're making a mistake." He explained.

"No I'm fixing one, besides you don't need me anymore, you have Sophie. Be happy Mason you deserve it," I told him as I grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. I took the keys from his hands and went inside my house. I stood in the hallway before I went into my mothers' room contemplating if I should ask her this. I took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come in," I heard her say. I opened the door and went in. she was on her bed watching TV and not looking at me but at Jay Leno. I made my way over to her bed and said, "Mom I want to leave Wilmington please just get me out of here," I cried. She muted the TV and looked at me.

"Rachel what's wrong?" she said grabbing my hand worried.

"I hate it here send me somewhere where I can just forget about everything," I asked pleading.

"Rachel what happened," she said concerned.

"I don't know who I am anymore; this town isn't making it any better. Please just get me out of here, please," I cried harder.

"Hunny is it drugs? Tell me." She asked.

"No it's not drugs, its me, please I just want to leave." I asked hugging her. It seemed like she understood but was still worried.

"We'll get you on a plane to that boarding school in California tomorrow," she said remembering where I was going to go junior year.

"Okay," I said as she held me close.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After everything was set up the next morning I was almost finished packing my bags when my mom came into my room.

"You ready?" she asked.

"I think so," I said and grabbed three bags while my mom grabbed the other three. Once I got to the airport I said goodbye to my mother and headed to the flight area. I sat in my chair looking at my phone and deleting the pictures that would remind me of so many bad memories from my past, the past I didn't want to bring to California. I came across one of me and Mason kissing from junior year and left that one on the phone. They started calling everyone to board the plane and I went into the line. I was handing my ticket to the flight attendant when I heard my name being called. I turned and saw Mason running towards me.

"Excuse me," I said to the ticket taker and stepped out of line.

"Rachel, don't run away from your problems please," he said out of breath. I rolled my eyes and looked away.

"Mason I am the problem. Just let me go," I whispered.

"I never forgot about you and I never will," he said sweetly and put the necklace in my hand and smiled. I turned my head and looked away.

"I don't want it Mason," I told him crying, "give it to someone you love. Goodbye," I said and kissed him one last time on the lips. I turned away and he said, "That's why I'm giving it to you. Rachel I love you okay, I want to be with you." He said. I couldn't believe it and I didn't.

"You decide to tell me now," I said half angry.

"I wasn't drunk the night we kissed, you were but I wasn't," he said half laughing. I looked at him and couldn't believe it.

"So this whole time when I have been pouring out my feelings to you, you were feeling the same but couldn't say it," I asked him crying.

"Don't look at it that way. I am with Sophie and I couldn't say it," he said.

"That's the point Mason, you're with Sophie," I said as I exaggerated on the with. I turned around to leave him standing there and boarded the plane hoping to never come back.

Once the plane landed at its destination I was surprised to be in the same spot that I left five years ago. Now 22 and back in my hometown 4 years later, it seems strange and uncomfortable. I haven't seen or spoken to anyone other than my mother for four years and coming back wasn't 

my idea. The way I left things was immature and I don't want to face the people I hurt, especially Mason. The reason I'm back is for two reasons. I graduated from college and my mother wasn't able to make it so I had to come home, which wasn't my idea. It's nice to take a break for awhile since school was all I ever did. I went to school to be a psychologist and finished in four years, due to summer classes and it was worth it. I got a taxi and took it back to my home. I walked in the door and put my stuff in my old room which hadn't changed since I left. My mother wasn't home because she had to work, so I was free for about two hours. I sat on my bed and decided to go see my dad. I went to the grocery store and brought flowers for the grave. I got out of the car and grabbed the flowers and placed them in front of his grave and stood there for a little while before I heard someone coming. I turned and saw Mason coming towards me and he stopped when he caught my face.

"Mason," I smiled and walked towards him and tried to give him a hug but he stepped back and walked away. I stood there shocked and said, "Please don't walk away." He kept walking and said aloud, "You taught me how."

I shook my head in frustration and said, "We are not in high school anymore." He stopped and turned around and told me, "It all hurts just the same Rachel." I tried to say something but nothing came out and he got in his car and drove away. I stayed at the grave for about half an hour before I went back home. I headed up to my room and started unpacking.

"Rachel," I heard my mom yell. I went downstairs and gave her a hug and kiss.

"I'm so glad you're home," she said.

"Me too. I missed you mom."

"I missed you too. I know it's your first night back but we have a party to go to." She told me as we headed into the kitchen.

"Wait, you party?" I joked as I took a seat on the kitchen stool.

"Yes Rachel, I do have a life. The McCalaster's are having a BBQ for Mason's graduation from college." When I heard that my stomach dropped and said, "Mom, I'm really tired."

"Please! For me? Besides Mason will probably be thrilled to see you." I rolled my eyes and said under my breath, "I don't think thrilled is the right word."

"Just go get ready, but before, here," she said and handed me a card. I opened it and read it and found a check with 20,000 on it.

"Mom," I said as I held the check.

"Rachel, you deserve it. I'm so proud of you." She said.

"Thank you," I said and got off the stool and hugged her.

"I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too. So do we have to dress up for this thing?" I asked her.

She smiled and said, "Yes. We are also leaving in about an hour."

"Ok, well I'm going to shower then." She nodded her head and kissed my forehead before I went upstairs to get ready. I put on an olive color strapless dress and straightened my hair, put on jewelry and make-up and went downstairs where my mother was waiting.

"You ready," she asked going through her purse.

"Yeah," I replied.

"You look gorgeous," she told me.

"You look sexy yourself mom." She laughed and grabbed the keys. Driving to Mason's house seemed like it took forever. Knowing that he wasn't thrilled to see me the first time, I don't think the second time would be better. How was I to explain to him why I'm back? We pulled up to his parent's house and his mother greeted us. She gave me a hug and said, "I haven't seen you in four years and you look absolutely gorgeous."

"Thank you," I replied smiling.

"Congratulations also on UCLA and psychology," she explained.

"Thanks," I said again.

"So do you have a job lined up?"

"I'm hoping to open my own place, I just have to find a building," I told her.

"That's great. Everyone is in the back," she exclaimed. We followed her out and my mom got pulled away and I saw Mr. McCalaster by the grill. I went over and tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around and smiled when he saw me.

"Rachel," he said and took me in his arms.

"Hi," I said.

"You look amazing. I'm so glad you came back," he said.

"Me too," I lied.

"Congrats also," he said flipping some burgers.

"Thank you very much," I said.

"Hold on for a second, I have something in the house for you," he said and called Mason over to keep an eye on the grill. When he saw me his face went from a smile to a frown. He took the tongs from his father and flipped chicken while I stood there.

"So this is how it is going to be?" I asked him

"I have nothing to say to you Rachel," he said.

"But I do," I was saying before his dad came back and Mason left. He handed me a card and I opened it. Once I read it, I grabbed the check and it read 15,000.

"I can't accept this," I exclaimed and handed it back to him.

"No you can. Rachel you've been like a daughter me and Lacey never had. We love you like our own." He said. I smiled and thanked him. Once we were done eating Lacey and Jim went on to the deck so they could make a speech. They clanked their forks against their glasses to get everyone's attention.

Lacey and I just want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate our sons' graduation and we've actually put a slideshow together for him. So if you could all join us in the house we can get that started," Jim announced. Everyone made their way inside the house and I went to get a drink. Once I got in the house I stood in the doorway and saw Mason in the other one. He turned his head when he saw me looking. The slideshow started and the song was "Because you loved me" cam on followed by pictures of him as a baby. They changed to the two of us and our parents. Both of us had our dads uniforms on and our dads behind us and I had to look away. It soon turned to pictures of us in high school. Then there was a picture of him and Nate at UCLA which surprised me because it was in the stadium where I played volleyball for UCLA. I looked over at him and he ws looking at me with a straight face. I couldn't take this anymore and left. I was out the front door and sat on the bench when I felt a jacket being put around me and looked up to see Mason.

"Why didn't you tell me you came to UCLA," I asked as he took a seat next to me.

"I wanted to surprise you. It was your 21st birthday. You did so well in that game. I waited in the bleachers for everyone to leave so I could talk to you and I saw you, you came back on the court when everyone left and so I called you. You took the phone out of your purse and ignored it. I tried Rachel but that night it seemed like you gave up on me and I then gave up on you." Tears were forming and I said, "Why didn't you leave a message?"

"Because I shouldn't have too."

"The reason I didn't answer the phone was because I was scared. Leaving you and everything behind was the hardest thing I had to ever do. You meant so much to me that being at UCLA I thought I could forget you but I never did and the thought of hearing your voice would just make it harder. I missed you everyday, everyday." He grabbed my shoulder and pulled me in a hug and I took my hands and wrapped them around him. Just touching him made me feel safe again.

"Why did you come back Rachel," he asked and wiped the tears from my eyes away.

"For the past four years I've been missing something and I've tried to fill that hole with friends and volleyball but it's never been filled. I have everything Mason, a good career, money, popularity from volleyball but none of those things make me happy. I can't remember a time where I felt like I mattered." I said.

"I told you I loved you Rachel before you left, did that not matter?" he said.

"Of course it mattered Mason, but you were still with her." I told him.

"Rachel, are you ready to go," my mother said from the doorstep as she said goodbye to Mason's parents.

"Yeah," I said getting up and handing Mason's jacket to him. After I said goodbye to everyone, we drove home.

"So it seemed like you and Mason got along pretty well," she said turning on to our street.

"Yeah, it was nice to catch up," I told her.

"Did you tell him?" she asked.

"No," I said as I looked out the window.

"Rachel, you need to tell him."

"I know. I just don't want him looking at me differently." I said.

"He wouldn't," she tried to help.

"It's hard mom," I said frustrated.

"I know that but he has the right to know," she said as we pulled into our drive way.

"And I will tell him when the time is right," I said angry and got out of the car. I was dreading telling him. When you're 22 and diagnosed with breast cancer you try to find ways to stay off the subject. This would be another reason why I'm back, to start remission and try to fix this but you have a fifty chance that it won't work and that's why I don't talk about it. Hearing that I have a fifty percent chance of living the rest of my life isn't something one could take well, I don't think 

anyone could. How do you tell someone you are dying? It's not really a conversation starter or something you bring up during dinner. It's a life changing experience that I'm scared to go through with. I headed up to my room and changed. I was brushing my teeth when my computer says, "You've got mail." I finished up and sat at my desk. I open the email and it's from my doctor reminding me that I have my appointment tomorrow morning. I deleted it and went to bed; I didn't want to think of it because it would mean I would have to face it.

I couldn't sleep a wink last night and when morning came I got up, dressed, and headed downstairs. My mother was sitting and reading the newspaper before she went to work.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come," she asked as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Yes, I'll be fine," I assured her and sat next to her.

"Call me when you find out everything," she said and put her dishes in the sink. I nodded my head and looked at the business section of the paper. I glanced upon a section of a building that would be perfect for my business.

"I'll see you tonight," she said as kissed the top of my head and left. I made my way down the hall to my doctor's office and took a seat in one of the two seats in there.

"Rachel Bell?" he said. I stood up to face him and shook hands with him.

"Yes, I'm Rachel," I said.

"I'm Doctor Chase Sage and I will be going through the process of chemo with you," he said and took a seat which I did also. Once we finished talking about starting chemo on Monday. I would give myself shots everyday instead of coming in to get them for one whole month. If it worked we would stop and if it didn't we would talk hen the time comes. When I first heard of the side effects I wasn't thrilled about losing my hair, my appetite, and myself, but if that works then that was nothing. The meeting finally came to a close and I said goodbye. I called my mom first thing and hung up once I was out of the building. I was walking out the door when I ran into someone.

"You okay?" he said as I picked up my purse.

"Yeah, sorry I wasn't watching were I was going," I let out a chuckle as I looked up to see Mason.

"Hi," I said embarrassed.

"Hi," he smiled.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Well, I was supposed to go to lunch with my friend Tyler but he bailed so I was heading back to my work," he said. "And you?" he asked.

"Oh I was umm was seeing if the hospital had any openings," I lied.

"You're staying," he asked.

"For right now," I said.

"That's great," he choked out.

"You don't seem too happy," I said.

"I am," he said but I didn't believe him. I walked to where my car was parked and he said, "Rachel." I stopped and turned around. "Go out to dinner with me tonight, so we can talk."

"About what?" I asked.

"Everything," he said. I stood and thought about it for a few seconds before I agreed.

"I'll pick you up at 7:30," he said and walked away. I smiled and got in my car to head home. I sat in the house not doing anything at all except trying to find something to wear for tonight. The time went by slowly but I put on a black halter dress curled my hair and was ready when the clock hit 7:32. My mother yelled up to me as I was in my closet getting my purse, "Rachel, Mason is here."

"I'll be right down," I said as I put stuff from one purse to another. I took one more look at myself and opened the door. I made my way downstairs and saw Mason in black slacks and a blue shirt with a tie.

"You look great," he said reaching out his hand for mine. I grabbed it and replied, "Thank you. You look nice yourself." W drove to the restaurant out on the pier and ordered dinner.

"So did you have any boyfriends back in UCLA?" he asked.

"No, just really good friends." I shook my head with a smirk. "What about you and Sophie?"

"We lost each other when college came."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not," he said drinking his wine. "What happened?"

"To what," I asked him confused.

"To us."

"Mason, you were with Sophie. There was never an us, so how am I supposed to answer that question?" I asked frustrated. I didn't want him to bring it up.

"I still can't believe you left," he said seeming angry.

"Why does it matter Mason, it was so long ago?"

"Because it does!" he said.

"Mason you knew the situation I was in," I said aggravated.

"Yes I know because I was in the same situation as you were," he whispered loudly.

"But I did something about it for you. When will you understand that?" I asked him almost crying.

"Never, because you know you did it for yourself," he answered.

"Right, I had sex with Nate so he wouldn't ruin what you and Sophie had. I loved you Mason and to make you happy I did something I told myself I would never do unless it was with someone I loved. So don't you EVER say I did it for myself." I said crying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up the past. It's just hard with you here." He said rubbing his eyes.

"Why?"

"Because it was hard to let you go the first time. When you walked on that plane it felt like you took my heart with you. I meant everything I said before you left. I still love you Rachel. When I saw you at your dad's grave, I was angry with you because of the way you left and seeing your face makes it so hard. I always wanted to be with you but I wasn't listening to my heart and it made me lose you. I don't want to lose you again," he said sincerely.

"I promise you won't lose me," I whispered with a tear running down my face. Our food arrived shortly after and when we finished we took a walk on the pier and sat on a bench.

"So why'd you quit volleyball?"

"I didn't love it anymore, my heart just wasn't in it," I said as I swung my legs over his.

"Where was your heart?" he asked running his hands over my legs.

"Where I left it four years ago," I said as I kissed him.

"You now how long I've waited for you," he said taking a breath.

"I'd say four years," I laughed. We sat on the bench for hours just talking before he drove me home. The rest of the weekend went by fast and on Monday I woke up at 9:30. It was my first day of chemo and I took my first shot. It was nice knowing that I could do chemo at home but I knew the side effects would be bad. I took a shower and got ready for the day and decided to go to the kitchen to make something for lunch. I was going downstairs when I felt dizzy and almost fell before I reached for the table which held me up. I fell to my knees and got up to rush to the bathroom. I seemed to be next to the toilet making my stomach empty for a mere twenty minutes. I stood up and brushed my teeth and made my way to the hallway again. I held onto the table, when there was a knock on my door and I said, "Come in." I looked over to see Mason walk in with a bag in his hand.

"Hey you," he said shutting the door, while I tried to stand straight and look normal.

"Hi," I exhaled.

"Are you ok?" he asked setting the bag down and came to hug me.

"No, I'm ok," I said hugging him back.

"Well I thought I would bring over lunch," he said grabbing the bag and heading to the kitchen holding my hand. He set it on the table and took out pasta and salad. We sat on the stools and I played with his hair while he ate.

"You not hungry?" he asked me. I started crying and he held me. "Rachel, what's wrong?"

"Just hold me please, I just need you," I said not wanting to cry in front of him.

"I will," he said holding me tighter. After I calmed down we went up to lie in my bed. We were looking at each other when he said, "I want to know everything that happened to you in the past 4 years other than what I know."

"There's nothing to know, I was never myself there," I told him and played with his hand. He moved over me and started kissing my neck. I grabbed the back of his neck and ran my hands through his hair. He moved his way up to my lips and I kissed him back.

"Come with me?" he said.

"Where?" I breathed.

"Thursday I have a work party. Come with me so I can show you off," he smiled. I rolled my eyes and agreed. We started kissing again and my stomach was twisting and turning because how was I supposed to tell him I was sick?

"Did you date in college?" I asked him when he rolled over on his side.

"I did. I actually had two girlfriends. I stayed with one for about six months and the other for two years," he told me running his hand over my stomach.

"What happened?" I asked referring to the two year relationship.

"We both wanted different things." He said not looking at me. "But I should go. I need to get back to work." He said.

"Ok," I said.

"I'll call you tonight," he said.

"Sounds good," I said as he got up, "But you know what sounds better," I said grabbing his arms and pulled him down and stared kissing him. He put his hands under my shirt and started unbuttoning it. I unbuttoned his and he took it off. He tried to unhook my bra but his cell phone interrupted us.

"Don't answer it," I said kissing him.

"I have to," he said and pulled out his phone.

"McCalaster."

"I'm on my way."

"My client is early," he told me and grabbed his shirt.

"Let them wait," I whispered in his ear.

"I can't," he said before he kissed me one last time before he left. I went downstairs and into the kitchen when my appetite seemed to be back on track. I nuked the noodles and sat on the stool when my cell phone rang. It was my best friend Amy from California calling.

"Hello," I said.

"Rae, how have you been?"

"I'm ok, how's Cali?" I asked in between bites.

"Not the same without you. How's chemo?" she asked quietly.

"I just started today and got sick but the doctor says that is usual." I explained.

"Oh Hun, I miss you and I'm praying for you."

"Thanks," I said and cleaned up the mess that was in the kitchen.

"So to get off this horrible subject, have you run into Mason yet?" she asked flirtatiously.

"Yeah the first day I was here," I laughed.

"How'd it go?"

"Bad, but its good now. He actually just left."

"Wow…. Oh gross, umm, I'm going to," she started rushing.

"Amy no, it didn't get that far, we were interrupted by a call." I said.

"TMI," she laughed.

"How's Ryan?" I asked.

"He's amazing and that's the reason I'm kind of calling," she said seeming anxious. "He proposed Rae, we're getting married." I dropped the glass I was holding and it shattered on the floor and I said, "Oh my gosh."

"I know," she shrieked.

"Amy congratulations." I said happily.

"I want you to be my maid of honor."

"Really," I asked almost crying.

"Yeah, I do."

"I would be honored," I said through tears. "When is it?"

"We're having it at the end of this month," she said.

"In two weeks?" I asked shocked.

"Yeah. I know it's really early but that's the only time that worked and we wanted to have it in California before we move to Florida." She said.

"Okay, yeah that would probably be the best." I laughed.

"Well, I need to go, but I will call you sometime this week with all the details and everything," she said.

"Sounds good, tell Ryan congratulations and I love you," I said.

"I will and love you too. Bye." She said and hung up the phone.


End file.
